My Partner Never Understands Me

Everybody feels a need to be understood! It is a desire deep within all of us, and it is human!

 Yet we have to pay close attention to the fact that everybody feels that they need to be understood. We need to be careful, because if we do not understand this, it can actually be a dangerous time for that very special relationship we have with our partner.

 Countless relationships turn into an absolute hell because one person (or often even both) doesn't feel understood!

 The problem is just about every time, that we are trying so hard, even putting up a fight, in order to get the other person to understand us. It can happen so easy that both parties are trying equally hard to get the same result, and in the process, the problem just gets bigger and bigger!

 The solution is actually so simple! Just do the exact opposite of what you feel like doing! Try to understand the other person! So often, when we do the opposite of what we feel, it is also the opposite of what is expected. It defuses the whole situation. It takes away the possibility for any confrontation! And if you can show your understanding......well, then what seems to be the problem? Guess what, because you removed the threat to the other person of not being understood, guaranteed, chances are 99.999% that you will also be understood!

 The logic is this. If you can learn to understand yourself first, and realize that you function this way because it is human nature, it becomes so easy to understand your partner, because now you know exactly what he/she feels.

 One way of defusing the situation is applying a tactic a retired cop once suggested.When the situation starts to tense up, reply with: "let me see if I understand what you are saying?", and then paraphrase what you think they are saying.

What normally happens is the other person now listens and then opens up by either correcting or agreeing with what you paraphrased back!

 Keep on doing this until it is clear that the person feels understood.

 The amazing thing is that many times after you start doing this, the other person start trying to understand your position as well!!

It's that human nature thing again! When we remove the 'threat' (for the other person to feel not being understood), they are more relaxed and now opens up to try and understand us. Wouldn't you do the same? So why not start the process?

 If I can give a short example of a typical conversation:

 Disaster


Mary: "Let's go eat at the new Italian restaurant tonight."

John: "No, I just want some Kentucky Fried Chicken tonight"

Mary: " But we just had fried chicken!"

John: "That was last week.... I don't want to get all dressed up and go to some fancy restaurant!"

Mary: "Just leave it!!! We never go anywhere! It never matters what I want to do anyway, it's always about you!"

John: "Oh please, not that again! It doesn't matter what I do, I can never make you happy!"

What Should Have Been:


Mary: " Let's go eat at the new Italian restaurant tonight."


 John: "Wow, sounds like you are in the mood for something fancy tonight, or are you after the peace and quiet?"


 Mary: "Actually.... I just want to go somewhere quiet where we can have a decent conversation again."


John: "I love the idea, and I really miss spending time with you.....it's just that finances are a bit tight now and I am concerned about how much the dinner will set us back?"

Mary: "No problem! What about eating at the Villa? It's also quiet and their prices are quite affordable."

John: "That's why you're so special to me, the Villa it is. And as soon as I receive my bonus, I'm gonna spoil you big time!!!


With the current uncertainty in the economy worldwide, many families are taking strain. It is very important for both men and women, to show consideration towards each other, especially regarding finances, and work through these situations together.


 Click here to learn more about understanding in your relationship, and work together towards a bright future!

Take Baby Steps To Get You From Break Up To Make Up!

Yes, so often people rush into things in an attempt to patch things up with their ex!
 
They want their ex to 'take them back', or 'forgive them' and just act as if nothing has ever happened! Would be nice if things could work this way, but sorry, it won't! I know you are desperate! But make peace with the idea that nothing will happen overnight.

 I know we live in a fast paced, everything is instant society. You don't have time for this, you don't have time for that. Hey, maybe that was the starting point of the problems in your relationship! No time!!!
 
If you want a healthy relationship, you are going to have to make time for your partner. And now that you already have problems, it might be a good idea to start by taking baby steps.

Expecting to just be completely forgiven, or complete reconciliation, are big leaps!

What is effective in the re-bonding process, will be those tiny little steps, one at a time.

Grabbing coffee together is a smaller step than 'going on a date', which is smaller than getting back together.
Maybe even consider a smaller step than that. Many times, the best course of action might even be to take a step 'back'!
 
I included a short video here, which will explain how.

I hope this is helpful, and remember to take it slow. If your relationship is important to you, you have to spend time in it.