Everybody feels a need to be understood! It is a desire deep within all of us, and it is human!
Yet we have to pay close attention to the fact that everybody feels that they need to be understood. We need to be careful, because if we do not understand this, it can actually be a dangerous time for that very special relationship we have with our partner.
Countless relationships turn into an absolute hell because one person (or often even both) doesn't feel understood!
The problem is just about every time, that we are trying so hard, even putting up a fight, in order to get the other person to understand us. It can happen so easy that both parties are trying equally hard to get the same result, and in the process, the problem just gets bigger and bigger!
The solution is actually so simple! Just do the exact opposite of what you feel like doing! Try to understand the other person! So often, when we do the opposite of what we feel, it is also the opposite of what is expected. It defuses the whole situation. It takes away the possibility for any confrontation! And if you can show your understanding......well, then what seems to be the problem? Guess what, because you removed the threat to the other person of not being understood, guaranteed, chances are 99.999% that you will also be understood!
The logic is this. If you can learn to understand yourself first, and realize that you function this way because it is human nature, it becomes so easy to understand your partner, because now you know exactly what he/she feels.
One way of defusing the situation is applying a tactic a retired cop once suggested.When the situation starts to tense up, reply with: "let me see if I understand what you are saying?", and then paraphrase what you think they are saying.
What normally happens is the other person now listens and then opens up by either correcting or agreeing with what you paraphrased back!
Keep on doing this until it is clear that the person feels understood.
The amazing thing is that many times after you start doing this, the other person start trying to understand your position as well!!
It's that human nature thing again! When we remove the 'threat' (for the other person to feel not being understood), they are more relaxed and now opens up to try and understand us. Wouldn't you do the same? So why not start the process?
If I can give a short example of a typical conversation:
Disaster
Mary: "Let's go eat at the new Italian restaurant tonight."
John: "No, I just want some Kentucky Fried Chicken tonight"
Mary: " But we just had fried chicken!"
John: "That was last week.... I don't want to get all dressed up and go to some fancy restaurant!"
Mary: "Just leave it!!! We never go anywhere! It never matters what I want to do anyway, it's always about you!"
John: "Oh please, not that again! It doesn't matter what I do, I can never make you happy!"
What Should Have Been:
Mary: " Let's go eat at the new Italian restaurant tonight."
John: "Wow, sounds like you are in the mood for something fancy tonight, or are you after the peace and quiet?"
Mary: "Actually.... I just want to go somewhere quiet where we can have a decent conversation again."
John: "I love the idea, and I really miss spending time with you.....it's just that finances are a bit tight now and I am concerned about how much the dinner will set us back?"
Mary: "No problem! What about eating at the Villa? It's also quiet and their prices are quite affordable."
John: "That's why you're so special to me, the Villa it is. And as soon as I receive my bonus, I'm gonna spoil you big time!!!
With the current uncertainty in the economy worldwide, many families are taking strain. It is very important for both men and women, to show consideration towards each other, especially regarding finances, and work through these situations together.
Click here to learn more about understanding in your relationship, and work together towards a bright future!
Your relationship doesn't have to be over. Practical advice to save your relationship.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Take Baby Steps To Get You From Break Up To Make Up!
Yes, so often people rush into things in an attempt to patch things up with their ex!
They want their ex to 'take them back', or 'forgive them' and just act as if nothing has ever happened! Would be nice if things could work this way, but sorry, it won't! I know you are desperate! But make peace with the idea that nothing will happen overnight.
I know we live in a fast paced, everything is instant society. You don't have time for this, you don't have time for that. Hey, maybe that was the starting point of the problems in your relationship! No time!!!
If you want a healthy relationship, you are going to have to make time for your partner. And now that you already have problems, it might be a good idea to start by taking baby steps.
Expecting to just be completely forgiven, or complete reconciliation, are big leaps!
What is effective in the re-bonding process, will be those tiny little steps, one at a time.
Grabbing coffee together is a smaller step than 'going on a date', which is smaller than getting back together.
Maybe even consider a smaller step than that. Many times, the best course of action might even be to take a step 'back'!
I included a short video here, which will explain how.
I hope this is helpful, and remember to take it slow. If your relationship is important to you, you have to spend time in it.
They want their ex to 'take them back', or 'forgive them' and just act as if nothing has ever happened! Would be nice if things could work this way, but sorry, it won't! I know you are desperate! But make peace with the idea that nothing will happen overnight.
I know we live in a fast paced, everything is instant society. You don't have time for this, you don't have time for that. Hey, maybe that was the starting point of the problems in your relationship! No time!!!
If you want a healthy relationship, you are going to have to make time for your partner. And now that you already have problems, it might be a good idea to start by taking baby steps.
Expecting to just be completely forgiven, or complete reconciliation, are big leaps!
What is effective in the re-bonding process, will be those tiny little steps, one at a time.
Grabbing coffee together is a smaller step than 'going on a date', which is smaller than getting back together.
Maybe even consider a smaller step than that. Many times, the best course of action might even be to take a step 'back'!
I included a short video here, which will explain how.
I hope this is helpful, and remember to take it slow. If your relationship is important to you, you have to spend time in it.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
What's Different and Stands Out? Use This Principle To Get Your Ex Back!
In a world of text messages, Instant Messaging and email, what will stand out?
What about a handwritten note? I bet you this will stand out.
Sending a handwritten letter to your ex is much more emotional and personal than about 4 screens of text messages.
You want to get his/her attention, right? Yet you don't want to give the impression of being pushy or desperate. You need to create a reason for your ex to pursue you! One of the most powerful things you can do to create a vacuum and get your ex to come looking for you, is to actually agree with a break up in a handwritten note.
But, BE CAREFUL! What you say in the note and how you say it, can have either positive or negative effects. So be prepared! For an outline of what to put in your note watch the video at
What about a handwritten note? I bet you this will stand out.
Sending a handwritten letter to your ex is much more emotional and personal than about 4 screens of text messages.
You want to get his/her attention, right? Yet you don't want to give the impression of being pushy or desperate. You need to create a reason for your ex to pursue you! One of the most powerful things you can do to create a vacuum and get your ex to come looking for you, is to actually agree with a break up in a handwritten note.
But, BE CAREFUL! What you say in the note and how you say it, can have either positive or negative effects. So be prepared! For an outline of what to put in your note watch the video at
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Problems With a Cheating Spouse? Learn How To Save Your Relationship!
I just did an experiment! I just took the word "cheating", and entered it into GOOGLE.
Guess what! 301,000,000 results!! Can you believe it? Maybe some of these searches were in other contexts, besides cheating in a relationship, but a quick scan just on the first page was all relationship orientated!
Wow!!! Scary stuff! But what can we do to prevent this? Did your partner ever cheat on you? Do you currently suspect your husband of cheating on you? Why does it happen? How can this ever happen to me?
Have you ever thought that you might end up a victim, being cheated on? What can can you do to prevent this from happening to you?
First of all, I want to clear up some basic myths. The first thing many spouses do (especially women), is to go on a guilt trip! The first response is normally extreme anger. then comes the guilt. " I am over weight...." "My waste is to big...." I'm this, I'm that.....etc. etc.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you don't need to look after yourself! By all means, keep fit, stay healthy! After all it is good for your health to start off with! Secondly, a healthy person (normally) is more fun be around. But ladies, that might not be the primary cause of your better half cheating on you!
True love is not about looks. (And everybody can't be a model either.) It goes much deeper than that!
When last did you make him feel special? When last did you make him feel like he is your hero? Do you show any interest in his work? Remember, there will always be somebody out there, ready to take him away from you!
Unfortunately, this is a male thing. Men have a need of being in charge. They want to feel admired. He wants to be the strong one for his lady. He wants her to be impressed with his work. In short, when a man loves a women, he wants to be her hero!
Now you may take it for granted that he should know you feel this way. The problem however, is that after time, the spark fades away. We start taking each other for granted. This is dangerous!
This opens the door. If some sly little lady pitches at work, show some appreciation, make him feel important, tell him how good he is.....Problems!!
He craves this attention. He feels exited! He feels special! If he doesn't get this recognition at home, he is now getting it! But at the wrong place.
Put the spark back in your relationship. Tell him (and show him) how you feel about him. Don't take your relationship for granted. Never!
Gentleman, this cuts both ways!! you need to do the same for your lady!! Show that you appreciate each other. It goes deeper than physical looks. When your partner feels appreciated and admired, you are "covering" your partner with Armour that no outsider will be able to penetrate.
If you have problems with a cheating spouse, care enough to do whatever is necessary to save your relationship
Take action, and click on the above links to get proper support and guidance from an expert on how to handle your situation.
Guess what! 301,000,000 results!! Can you believe it? Maybe some of these searches were in other contexts, besides cheating in a relationship, but a quick scan just on the first page was all relationship orientated!
Wow!!! Scary stuff! But what can we do to prevent this? Did your partner ever cheat on you? Do you currently suspect your husband of cheating on you? Why does it happen? How can this ever happen to me?
Have you ever thought that you might end up a victim, being cheated on? What can can you do to prevent this from happening to you?
First of all, I want to clear up some basic myths. The first thing many spouses do (especially women), is to go on a guilt trip! The first response is normally extreme anger. then comes the guilt. " I am over weight...." "My waste is to big...." I'm this, I'm that.....etc. etc.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you don't need to look after yourself! By all means, keep fit, stay healthy! After all it is good for your health to start off with! Secondly, a healthy person (normally) is more fun be around. But ladies, that might not be the primary cause of your better half cheating on you!
True love is not about looks. (And everybody can't be a model either.) It goes much deeper than that!
When last did you make him feel special? When last did you make him feel like he is your hero? Do you show any interest in his work? Remember, there will always be somebody out there, ready to take him away from you!
Unfortunately, this is a male thing. Men have a need of being in charge. They want to feel admired. He wants to be the strong one for his lady. He wants her to be impressed with his work. In short, when a man loves a women, he wants to be her hero!
Now you may take it for granted that he should know you feel this way. The problem however, is that after time, the spark fades away. We start taking each other for granted. This is dangerous!
This opens the door. If some sly little lady pitches at work, show some appreciation, make him feel important, tell him how good he is.....Problems!!
He craves this attention. He feels exited! He feels special! If he doesn't get this recognition at home, he is now getting it! But at the wrong place.
Put the spark back in your relationship. Tell him (and show him) how you feel about him. Don't take your relationship for granted. Never!
Gentleman, this cuts both ways!! you need to do the same for your lady!! Show that you appreciate each other. It goes deeper than physical looks. When your partner feels appreciated and admired, you are "covering" your partner with Armour that no outsider will be able to penetrate.
If you have problems with a cheating spouse, care enough to do whatever is necessary to save your relationship
Take action, and click on the above links to get proper support and guidance from an expert on how to handle your situation.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Get Your Ex Back - By Avoiding Premature Reconciliation
If you are just coming out of a painful breakup of a perfect relationship, it is clear that it wasn't so perfect after all.!
One of the first pitfalls to look out for, is premature reconciliation.You need to keep your emotions under control! I know this can be a tall order, but if you want success in your relationship, you have to do it.
First of all, do not bombard your ex with attempts to make contact. This will only cause more harm! Take time to calm down. Find activities to keep your mind occupied. Go out with friends, learn a new hobby, go to gym..... there are so many things you can do. This will enable you to clear your mind, and when you can think straight again, you might see the situation in a whole new perspective!
Even if your ex makes contact with you first, if your emotions are not under control, it is dangerous! Try to avoid contact. Rather let them leave a message.
Once you are in control of yourself, and feel ready to make contact, you still need to be cautious. Keep your conversation short, but friendly. Maybe have a cup of coffee together, but limit it to 20 - 30 minutes. It is easy to fall in the trap of just thinking you can pick up where left off.
With the first sign of your ex indicating that he/she is willing to pick up the pieces, it is so easy to get all emotional about it! You don't want to resist. You think everything is a okay!! You only think about getting your ex back!
Wrong!!! Remember why you broke up in the first place! Communicate! You need to talk about it. Stay calm, and rather make a suggestion such as:.."Let us take it slow, and see where it leads us to..." You need to go through a process. Discuss what happened and start building the relationship from scratch. Talk about things that irritated both of you. You cannot fix a problem, unless you discover the cause. Jumping back into an emotional relationship, getting intimate to soon, is not going to solve the problem. You just might end up not hearing from your ex again!
Stay in control. This will leave a much better impression as well. You are not on some wild emotional "roller coaster ride". Hey, we all admire strong people. People with self control. Show that you are serious about the relationship, and you want to make it work.
I know all this is much easier said than done, which is why I am not going to leave you in the middle of no where. You need help from an expert. Visit the link below, and get the help you need. I promise, you will not regret it!
One of the first pitfalls to look out for, is premature reconciliation.You need to keep your emotions under control! I know this can be a tall order, but if you want success in your relationship, you have to do it.
First of all, do not bombard your ex with attempts to make contact. This will only cause more harm! Take time to calm down. Find activities to keep your mind occupied. Go out with friends, learn a new hobby, go to gym..... there are so many things you can do. This will enable you to clear your mind, and when you can think straight again, you might see the situation in a whole new perspective!
Even if your ex makes contact with you first, if your emotions are not under control, it is dangerous! Try to avoid contact. Rather let them leave a message.
Once you are in control of yourself, and feel ready to make contact, you still need to be cautious. Keep your conversation short, but friendly. Maybe have a cup of coffee together, but limit it to 20 - 30 minutes. It is easy to fall in the trap of just thinking you can pick up where left off.
With the first sign of your ex indicating that he/she is willing to pick up the pieces, it is so easy to get all emotional about it! You don't want to resist. You think everything is a okay!! You only think about getting your ex back!
Wrong!!! Remember why you broke up in the first place! Communicate! You need to talk about it. Stay calm, and rather make a suggestion such as:.."Let us take it slow, and see where it leads us to..." You need to go through a process. Discuss what happened and start building the relationship from scratch. Talk about things that irritated both of you. You cannot fix a problem, unless you discover the cause. Jumping back into an emotional relationship, getting intimate to soon, is not going to solve the problem. You just might end up not hearing from your ex again!
Stay in control. This will leave a much better impression as well. You are not on some wild emotional "roller coaster ride". Hey, we all admire strong people. People with self control. Show that you are serious about the relationship, and you want to make it work.
I know all this is much easier said than done, which is why I am not going to leave you in the middle of no where. You need help from an expert. Visit the link below, and get the help you need. I promise, you will not regret it!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Best Way to Get your ex Back
There is hope! You just might be able to save your relationship!
What if there were any ‘magic’ words you can use, and
suddenly your ex start to return your phone calls?
Unbelievable? ARE there really words that will nearly cast a spell?
Can it make your ex feel he/she just has to return your call?
Over 35,000 subscribers – just like you – are trying to put back their
relationships back together! Yes, you are not alone in this!
“How do I get my ex to return my phone call, text or IM?”
I am going to give you the answer.
BUT...
***********
WARNING!
***********
A complete strategy is laid out In the Magic Of Making Up.
Use this technique as part of an ‘overall’ plan or strategy.
Do not use it alone! That may cause more damage to your relationship
than if they never returned your call anyhow.
Click on the link above, and learn how to get your ex back
utilizing this technique as part of an 'overall' plan.
Click on the link above, and learn how to get your ex back
utilizing this technique as part of an 'overall' plan.
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